What Does the Bible Say About Relationships Before Marriage?
Bible Verses & Devotional
What Does the Bible Say About Relationships Before Marriage?
When Christians ask what does the bible say about relationships before marriage, they’re really asking how to pursue love with holiness. God’s Word speaks clearly about moral faithfulness, the seriousness of sexual sin, and the way relationships should protect honor rather than exploit trust. At the heart of biblical guidance is not just “rules,” but God’s concern for integrity—inside the heart and in the way we treat others. The Bible also frames marriage as a sacred covenant, so relationships leading to marriage should be consistent with that purpose. As you read these verses, you’ll see a theme: God values purity, truthfulness, and respectful conduct that reflects His character. Whether you are dating, considering marriage, or counseling someone else, these scriptures provide sober, hopeful direction for how to love in a way that honors God.
At a Glance — Verses in This Article
- Exodus 20:14
- Deuteronomy 22:13-21
- 1 Peter 3:1-7
Bible Verses
Exodus 20:14 (King James Version)
“Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
This command against adultery highlights the seriousness of sexual faithfulness and helps set a moral boundary for relationships before marriage.
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 (King James Version)
“If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her, And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel’s virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel’s father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her; And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech against her, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these are the tokens of my daughter’s virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him; And they shall amerce him in an hundred shekels of silver, and give them unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days. But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father’s house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father’s house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.”
This passage addresses the grave harm done when a husband brings accusations or a marriage is conducted with dishonor, showing God’s concern for truth and protection of integrity.
1 Peter 3:1-7 (King James Version)
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
These verses encourage respectful, reverent relationship conduct, emphasizing inner character and honoring one another—principles that apply to dating and preparation for marriage.
Marriage begins with moral boundaries: pursue purity
One of the most direct teachings related to relationships before marriage is God’s call to sexual faithfulness. Exodus 20:14 states, “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” While the word “adultery” often points to marital unfaithfulness, the command still establishes a foundational principle: sexual intimacy is not casual or disposable. It belongs within God’s covenant design for marriage.
In practical terms, this means Christians should ask: Are my choices helping me grow in holiness, or training me to disregard God’s standards? Biblical guidance on dating does not focus on perfectionism; it focuses on alignment. If a relationship repeatedly pressures you toward impurity, God’s Word urges you to reconsider what you are practicing and normalizing.
Purity is also spiritual protection. When boundaries are ignored, hearts often become entangled—through guilt, secrecy, fear of exposure, or resentment. Even where people “feel connected,” God calls believers to honor Him in body and spirit. Relationships are seasons where you learn how you will love—so love should be practiced in ways that reflect God’s holiness.
Finally, purity is not only about what you avoid; it is also about what you pursue. A relationship that honors God will cultivate honesty, self-control, and respect. The call to not commit adultery becomes a compass: it reminds you that your choices carry spiritual weight and impact your testimony.
Honor and truth matter: don’t weaponize words or intentions
The Bible also shows that relational harm is not only physical—it can be verbal and intentional. Deuteronomy 22:13-21 describes a situation where a man takes a wife, then brings accusations and “occasions of speech” against her, saying he did not find her as he claimed. The passage emphasizes that false or harmful claims can bring devastating consequences, including public chastisement and severe outcomes.
This matters for the question “scripture about premarital relationships” because it teaches a principle: God cares deeply about integrity and the protection of a person’s honor. Words can injure trust permanently. Accusations, manipulations, or humiliating narratives—especially used to control someone—are not expressions of love; they are expressions of harm.
Before marriage, Christians should treat honesty as a form of love. That includes being clear about intentions, avoiding deceit, and refusing to pressure someone into compromising choices while pretending it’s harmless. It also means taking responsibility for the consequences of our actions rather than blaming another person.
Notice also that the passage treats marriage as serious. It is not a casual arrangement; it is a covenant with real accountability. While modern society may differ in legal details, the moral lesson remains: God does not approve of deception, cruelty, or turning intimacy into a battleground.
So, if you’re seeking how Christians should date, let Deuteronomy remind you: protect truth and honor. Relationships grow safely when both people are committed to doing what is right, not just what is convenient.
Love should be shaped by reverence, character, and mutual honor
Relationships before marriage should not be governed only by emotion; they should be guided by reverence and character. In 1 Peter 3:1-7, the apostle addresses married believers, but the relational spirit applies broadly: how we treat one another matters to God. The passage emphasizes “chaste conversation coupled with fear,” and it teaches that true adornment is not mainly outward style, but “the hidden man of the heart,” expressed in a “meek and quiet spirit.”
This doesn’t mean romance must be joyless. It means romance should be restrained by wisdom. When chaste conversation is present, love shows up as purity of motives, careful speech, and respect that is not performative. A person may look impressive externally, but God evaluates the heart.
The passage also describes mutual responsibility. Wives are called to be in subjection “to your own husbands,” and husbands are urged to “dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife.” Even before marriage, Christians can learn from that direction: honor is not optional, and wisdom matters. Love that honors does not degrade, exploit, or demand.
For those dating or preparing for marriage, consider: Are you becoming more patient, more honest, more considerate? Or are you becoming more controlling, more tempted, or more secretive? God is concerned with what relationships are producing in you.
When you pursue a meek and quiet spirit and choose respectful conduct, you prepare your heart for covenant love. And when reverence shapes your dating life, you reduce the risk of treating people as objects instead of persons made in God’s image.
Daily steps to date (or prepare to marry) with biblical integrity
If you want your relationships to reflect biblical principles, apply them in clear, everyday ways.
First, set boundaries around intimacy and seek accountability. Because God commands, “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” your dating choices should aim to keep your heart and body aligned with holiness. Decide ahead of time what you will and won’t do, and don’t rely on “it won’t happen” thinking when emotions run high. Ask a trusted believer for accountability.
Second, guard your speech and your intentions. Deuteronomy warns of the harm caused by accusation and dishonor. Ask yourself: Am I speaking in a way that protects the other person’s dignity? Am I pressuring them, hiding the truth, or using fear and blame to get my way? Choose truthful communication and resolve misunderstandings quickly and humbly.
Third, cultivate inner character. Use 1 Peter’s emphasis on “the hidden man of the heart” to shape your daily life. Practice a meek and quiet spirit in your reactions—especially when you’re disappointed, unsure, or tempted to manipulate. Let reverence guide your tone, not just your actions.
Finally, evaluate what the relationship is producing. A God-honoring relationship trains you to honor, not exploit; to be truthful, not secretive; to grow in self-control, not indulgence. If a relationship repeatedly pushes you away from purity and respect, treat that as a serious warning—not just a “phase.”
Frequently Asked Questions
What does the Bible say about relationships before marriage?
Overall, Scripture points toward holiness in how you live and love. It commands sexual faithfulness, warns against dishonoring and deceptive speech, and encourages reverent, respectful conduct. Together, these themes call Christians to pursue love with integrity so they prepare for marriage in a way that honors God.
Is dating allowed for Christians if the Bible warns against adultery?
Dating is not addressed directly in these verses, but the command “Thou shalt not commit adultery” establishes a moral boundary. Christians should build dating around purity, self-control, and honesty—choosing actions that do not train the heart toward unfaithfulness or compromise.
How should Christians handle accusations or misunderstandings in courtship?
Deuteronomy shows how harmful dishonoring speech can be. Before marriage, Christians should avoid using words to accuse unfairly or control the other person. Instead, practice truthful communication, humility, and timely resolution—protecting honor rather than escalating conflict.
What does Godly love look like in premarital relationships?
Godly love reflects inner character and reverence. 1 Peter highlights “chaste conversation coupled with fear” and the importance of a “meek and quiet spirit.” Practically, that means honoring speech, respecting boundaries, and treating the other person with dignity.
A Short Prayer
Lord, thank You for Your Word that guides love with holiness and truth. Teach us to pursue relationships with reverence, guarding purity of heart and integrity of speech. Strengthen our boundaries when temptation rises, and soften us into humility when conflict comes. Help us honor others and choose actions that prepare us for covenant love. Lead our dating and decision-making so our relationships reflect Your character. In Jesus’ name, amen.